Smile had the potential to be genuinely great, but in the end, it took the safe route and became just another forgettable horror movie.
Tag Archives: review
Cody Invasion
Imagine this. WrestleMania. Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar in a title vs title match. The ref is knocked out. The Usos charge the ring. Brock takes them both out with double clothesline. He starts beating them down. Heyman comes in with a chair and hits Lesnar across the back. Lesnar grabs Heyman by the throat and yells in his face. Reigns gets up and goes for the Spear, but his Heyman instead. Lesnar hits Reigns with the F5. 1. 2. 3. Lesnar celebrates, holds up both belts and makes his way up the ramp. He takes one last look at a defeated Reigns who finally made it to his feet. Then it happens. Cody Rhodes jumps the barrier, slides in the ring and hits Reigns with the Cross Rhodes. Then he takes a look at Lesnar and we cut to black.
How good would that be?
Simptastic Joe
Control Your Narrative Promotion?
When I first heard of the Control Your Narrative movement, I thought this was just a wrestling faction, but I later learned this is going to be a new failing company in the world of wrestling. The company’s 3 main stars are EC3, Killer Kross (Karrion Kross) and Adam Scherr (Braun Strowman). In their mission statement, the men explained what the company is. They first took shots are shareholders and billionaire owners. Saying that owners collect wrestlers like “toys”. Clearly these men have never ran a company before. The “toys” they are talking about are employees, not friends and not members of a bigger picture. If a wrestler or “toy” is not putting in the work, not loved by the fans and making for lower ratings, then a change will be made. That’s running a business.
The letter than goes on to name drop popular wrestlers that have joined the company. Names like Moose, Matt Sydal, Matt Cardona and some no names. Now, are you telling me that Moose, a superstar in Impact Wrestling who is probably being paid very well, is planning on leaving Impact to join this company?
Who’s paying for this? You don’t have a billionaire owner like Tony Khan or Vince McMahon, you don’t have or want shareholders, so where is the money coming from? The top 3 wrestlers starting this company I imagine have some savings, so they can go a little while without getting a regular paycheck, but the others can’t. Matt Sydal was never a “run the company” wrestler. He has been bouncing around from company to company since he left the WWE. And more importantly, why would he want to leave AEW in any capacity?
I don’t know what to think about this company after reading this letter. I’m very confused with a lot of wrestling companies these days. The WWE looks like the only real wrestling company and the others are just all working together in some way.
Jon Moxley still does shows in Japan and backyard wrestling promotions, but still works for AEW. This move I find incredibly stupid because why would AEW be ok with letting one of their most popular wrestlers go to other places? More importantly, Mox went to some unknown company for his first match after rehab, kinda dulling the moment of his return. Why would Impact Wrestling be ok with Moose playing in this other company. If he gets hurt that’s a MAJOR blow to your company.
The whole promotion just seems like a great faction idea, one that would thrive on grabbing wrestlers who are lost or on losing streaks to be more, but as a company they are failing before they even got started. My prediction gets stronger when I read their website. Apparently, if I’m reading this wrong, fights (not matches) are decided by Tap Out, Knock Out or Can’t Stand……so not wrestling. Is this a better version of Raw Underground?
Another section of the website says “FTN blends professional wrestling, cinema, and harsh reality”. The cinema part throws me off. Because they are going to have live crowds. Are these planned out fist fights? I HATED the cinematic matches during the Pandemic Era for the WWE. I thought nothing had to change with the style, just put on great matches and you captures your audience interest.
If I was running this show, the first thing I would do is write up a REAL mission statement of their promotion, take it to Rumble and do shows exclusively on there. Rumble was ready to give Joe Rogan $200 million dollars to be exclusively there. I wonder how much they would pay for the exclusive rights to a wrestling promotion? I wouldn’t do shows on the road. Like NXT, I would do shows exclusively in one location. Buy a simple warehouse or property you can make into an arena and that solves where it would be. I would put the arena somewhere in the South or mid-West because it’s cheaper to buy property there. Maybe one day take the show on the road, but when you’re stating a new company saving money is key.
The next step does against everything they believe in, getting shareholders. They NEED some big money bankrolling this operation. Let’s say if the Rumble deal happens, they give, let’s say 10 million dollars, you still have a lot of things to buy. The biggest would be the location. I saw just use one because you don’t have to worry about costs of travel and you can control the environment more than using someone else’s building.
Getting wrestlers shouldn’t be that difficult. Yes, I crapped on Sydal before, but he’s a good wrestler. Not someone who can lead the company, but a suitable wrestler. Moose would be way out of their pay range, but Cardona might be a great addition. The 3 creators would be taking a pay cut for the first few months so that’ll save some money. There are a ton of unknown wrestlers and released wrestlers looking for a shot to be on tv again. If anything, this new promotion might be a way to help them. But that would be a WRESTLING promotion and not a….whatever this is.
I don’t think the Control Your Narrative promotion will be a success. The idea is enough to get some early viewers, but this doesn’t seem realistic and will fail pretty soon.
World War Joe
Jay White Vs The Best Friends
After Jay White beat Trent in his AEW debut, I saw something that really annoyed me. The camera panned over to Orange Cassidy before the show cut to black……is AEW seriously going to give us Jay White vs Orange Cassidy? Are they really going to push a fight between White, who I say is top 5 in the world, against one of the least imposing threats in AEW? Not only that, I can see White fighting the entire Best Friends group, probably ending in a multi man tag match.
I figure this might be a good idea for a feud in theory, White is very popular overseas, but if you don’t watch him on YouTube then you probably never heard of him. My problem is that this feud is a waste of time, especially for White. I would have White attack Cassidy before he enters the Face of the Revolution Ladder match this weekend. Attack him backstage, knock him out of the match and get White in that match against the best the company has to offer.
You can have Cassidy interfere and cost White’s chances of winning the match, setting up their feud. But having Cassidy in that match is such a waste. Cassidy isn’t equipped to be the face of the company ever, but White is. Maybe White running through all the Best Friends might buy him time until some of the other feuds are finished and he can get inserted into the main title picture or against a higher profile talent like Hangman Page.
Simptastic Joe
Why I Love Hook
I know its doesn’t make any sense. And I know how stupid it is to say it. And I know there’s no reason why I feel this way, but I love Hook. He hasn’t done anything in AEW except a few cheap shots to unsuspecting opponents. But I believe there is a plan for Hook. Team Taz is starting to look VERY interesting with the addition of Dante Martin, but I still hate that they got rid of Brian Cage. Martin is going to be a major player on Team Taz and now is the perfect time to unleash Hook on the roster.
Hooks time in AEW reminds me of Pacman Jones in TNA Wrestling. Jones wasn’t allowed to touch any of the wrestlers, but somehow had matches where he won by distracting wrestlers by throwing money at them or from outside assistance. Hook is being billed just like that, but will soon be in the fold. I would copy his father, Taz’s, move set. Just go all in on suplexes, submissions and power moves.
I think the first feud I would have for Hook would be against Orange Cassidy. Cassidy can make anyone look good with his sloth style and since Cassidy is a fan favorite, you’ll have a great crowd for that match.
But what do you guys think of Hook and what feuds would you like to see him in?
Simptastic Joe
Omos The Next Giant?
The Undertake said “There will never be another Andre (The Giant), but this guy is as close as we’ve come, and that’s a big statement…Omos is special” has the Undertake ever heard of Braun Strowman? I could argue that Strowman is the best big man since The Big Show, who when the Big Show was starting out he was compared to Andrea The Giant.
Omos is ok to me. I think him teaming with AJ Styles has resulted in Styles looking weaker as of late. The pairing seems more like a comedy gimmick rather than a team that will dominate. If they want to put Omos in that top tier of wrestlers than maybe a feud with Styles would be best. Have them win the tag titles, lose them as a result of Styles. Maybe a miscommunication where he hits Omos and then simply have him turn on Styles. Not the most original idea, but it would be effective.
Then have them fight at WrestleMania, make Omos the winner and keep his momentum going from there. I do agree with the Undertaker where if there was someone to eventually be in that Andrea Class then it can be Omos, but you have to book him as the face of the company. Maybe a feud with Roman Reigns would be interesting to see.
But what do you guys think of Omos so far and what would be the best way to make him a superstar?
Simptastic Joe
Mortal Kombat: How To Fix Cole
With Cole leading the Mortal Kombat franchise into the future, here are a few changes I would make.
How to Fix teela
There’s no surprise that the extremely woke direction of the Netflix show Masters of the Universe Revelations didn’t sit too kindly with the fans. The show was constantly pandering to the strong, diverse and sexually explorative female leads and pushed aside and literally killed off any male leads that could steal the spotlight.
Now we are left with a tainted show and a Kevin Smith fighting to keep his spot in Hollywood alive. It’s foolish to say that this one terrible show will be the death of Smith, but it does create a snowball effect that’ll probably stay with him for most of his remaining career. Obviously, his Clerks 3 won’t be competing with Avatar and Endgame for top grossing movies of all time, but I think it will fail by even the most liberal of expectations.
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But instead of crapping on this show more, here’s what I would’ve done to make everyone happy. If the goal of the show in the end was to make Teela the main character of the show, to make her someone the fans would love to see a spinoff of, then it takes a slow burn.
I remember the first time I saw Ahsoka Tano in The Clone Wars movie. Ahsoka was annoying to watch and there really wasn’t anything redeeming about her character. Then Star Wars created The Clone Wars tv show and that featured Ahsoka a lot. She had incredible character development. We got to see her come into her own as a Jedi, lead armies into battle, make mistakes and at the end of the series became a fan favorite.
That’s what Smith should’ve done with Teela. The first season of the show should’ve been focused on He-Man, obviously, and Teela as a strong supporting character. Through the season, we get to see her fight alongside He-Man, get to develop her character naturally through events of the show. Maybe even have her on her own quests of some episodes to give her more depth to her character. And if the plan was to kill off He-Man, you can have Teela as the successor after giving her a lot of time to develop and grow.
Most importantly, you have to make her fail. Writers today are making female leads the perfect characters and devoid of any flaws. They are tougher and smarter than the male characters who are drastically nerfed to make the females even better. But, you have to fail. We don’t want Mary Sue characters, who are perfect in every way and devoid of any flaws.
Rocky lost, Luke Skywalker lost, Batman lost, Spider-Man lost, all the Avengers lost battles, and if you want Teela to be a fan favorite then she has to lose sometimes and most importantly come back stronger and wiser from it. Smith would forgo all these ideas and tried to push Teela down our throats and backfired massively.
So how screwed are they and most importantly, what do you think of how I would’ve written the show?
Simptastic Joe
Terminator: How Do The Machines Lose?
I’ve been binging the Terminator movies randomly and a weird question popped in my mind at 3 in the morning. How do the machines lose? I know the original movie, and I mean original original movie, was about how Skynet’s plan is to send a terminator back in time to kill resistance leader John Connor’s mother, thus killing the future savior of humanity.
Then the second movie comes around and Skynet sends another terminator back in time to kill John Connor. And then the third one comes around to Skynet sending back another terminator to kill Connor and his lieutenants. Needless to say the plot of the Terminator franchise repeat themselves alittle.
Now back to the question. How do the machines lose in the future? In the first Terminator, the machines sent back a T-800 model played by the hulking Arnold Schwarzenegger. In that movie, the T-800 was unstoppable. It killed an entire police department with no trouble. It got hit by cars, shot, blew up and kept coming. Ultimately being crushed under a hydraulic press, but before that it did a ton of damage.
The movie even showed what Earth looked like during the war with the machines. We aren’t doing very well in that fight. What’s left of humanity is hiding underground and barely able to fend off the massive robot army.
In the sequel, we have another T-800 return as a good guy and we are introduced to the T-1000, a robot comprised of liquid metal who can shapeshift, form his arms into swords and other weapons and take endless amounts of damge. Again, we get a glimpse into the future of hundreds of T-800s walking across the destroyed cities of the world. The T-800, even though he’s a good guy, goes through an entire SWAT team, taking bullets to the face and keeps coming. And the T-1000 finally met its end after being outsmarted, but for most of the movie he was winning.
In the third movie we are introduced to the T-X which is comprised of a metal skeleton and has the liquid metal on top. This lets it use the same spike arms and also be able to shoot out laser beams and use other gadgets.
So the point I’m making, is how does a robot army lose the battle. This isn’t like Mel Gibson rallying the famers against the British. This is clearly a no-win situation. As we’ve seen in the previous films, we are losing this battle.
In Terminator Salvation we actually get a movie centered around the battle for the humanity against the machines. And in that one we are shown massive Terminators the size of buildings, motorcycle robots and massive air crafts that take hostages.
The Terminators get deadlier with each film and even though Dark Fate was terrible, I thought the concept of a Terminator who can separate from its liquid metal to make 2 Terminators was a cool addition.
And with the last 2 movies in the franchise were reboots, I don’t think the creators actually have a realistic way the humans win. Even copying the Terminators concept of going back in time to stop Skynet and Legion before it ever gets started is a concept that would get old fast.
Its sad to see a franchise that started off so strong go downhill in just a few short movies. Unless they throw some serious money into the script or have a solid, multi movie plan, then this series will never return back to its glory days.
Let me know what you guys think about the Terminator franchise moving forward and what changes need to be made.
Simptastic Joe
The Purge Videogame
We need a Purge Videogame and now is the perfect time for it. I think you can either make it a big MMO or a single player adventure where the align themselves with different factions and play out the night
World War Joe 