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Roofman: The Ultimate Swerve

The big problem with Roofman is that the movie really wants to portray Jeffrey as a great guy. And yes, he does a few “nice” things here and there. At one point he gives a coat to someone he has just locked in a freezer while robbing a McDonald’s. Which is kind of like punching someone in the face and then handing them an ice pack like you deserve credit for bedside manner. But ultimately, Jeffrey is still a thief.

Roofman is based on the real-life story of Jeffrey Manchester, a divorced U.S. Army veteran in North Carolina who is struggling to provide for his three young children. Mostly broke and desperate, Jeffrey has a genius idea. He’s going to apply for a job, work his way up the corporate ladder, and finally provide for his kids and his ex-wife…..nah, I’m just kidding with you. He decides he’s going to start robbing businesses.

One of his old airborne buddies reminds him that he has a real gift for observation, and calls him the smartest and dumbest man he knows. That pretty much sums Jeffrey up for the entire movie. He starts breaking into stores through the roof at night, which gets him dubbed “The Roofman” by local law enforcement. He pulls this off around 40 times before the police finally catch him, and he ends up sentenced to 45 years in prison.

Now at this point, you’d think Jeffrey would realize he has done wrong, not just to his community but to himself, and maybe decide to turn his life around. Maybe devote himself to Christ. Maybe become a changed man and a source of hope to the people around him…nah, I’m just kidding with you. Jeffrey hatches another plan and escapes prison by hiding underneath a truck.

From there, the movie somehow gets even more ridiculous. Jeffrey sneaks into a Toys R Us as it’s closing, climbs up into the ceiling tiles, and decides this giant toy store is now going to be his new secret home base. He builds a little fort out of merchandise, rigs up cameras to spy on the store, and basically turns the place into his own weird hideout while he waits on fake IDs that will supposedly help him flee to South America.

And for a minute, the movie almost tricks you into thinking maybe this is where Jeffrey is going to show some actual humanity. He overhears a manager named Leigh talking about a church toy drive, and when her boss refuses to help, you think maybe Jeffrey will go out and use some of his saved money to do something kind. Maybe buy some toys for the kids. Maybe prove there’s a decent man somewhere under all this foolishness…..nah, of course not. He steals the toys from Toys R Us and donates them himself. 

So now he’s getting praised for generosity while literally giving away stolen merchandise. And somehow this works, because this is where he starts getting close to Leigh and her daughters. He slowly builds a relationship with them, gets welcomed into their lives, and keeps bonding with them while fully knowing that the whole thing is built on lies and that he is eventually going to break their hearts.

That’s what makes the movie so frustrating. It keeps trying to frame Jeffrey as this troubled, misunderstood guy who just can’t get out of his own way. But he’s not just making mistakes. He is actively choosing the worst possible thing over and over again. Every time life presents him with even the tiniest chance to do the right thing, he takes a hard left into stupidity.

Eventually Jeffrey learns how much money he’ll need to get the fake IDs and make his South America plan happen. So he changes Leigh’s work schedule in the store computer to make sure she shows up later, giving him time to rob the store that morning. That plan works right up until Leigh walks in during the robbery and recognizes him, even though he’s wearing a mask. He still escapes, still meets up with his contact, still hands over the money, and for one brief moment it looks like his absurd little plan might actually work.

He’s got the IDs coming. He’s got the airport setup. He’s got a contact who’s supposed to wave him through. Everything is in motion.

Then, on the morning he’s supposed to leave for South America, Leigh calls and invites him over for Christmas. And this is where the movie tries to make you think Jeffrey is torn between the life he could have and the mess he has made. He tells her he can’t come. He hangs up. He boards the plane. He leaves for South America and never sees Leigh again….nah, I’m just kidding with you.

Instead, he goes to her house and gets arrested almost immediately because she obviously knew it was him and told the police. So now, on top of everything else, he gets hit with an additional 32 years on his sentence.

And now surely, surely, Jeffrey has learned his lesson. Surely now he decides he’s done running, that he’s finally going to live out the rest of his sentence and devote himself to becoming a better man…..nah for the final time, Jeffrey tried to escape prison two more times. And that, apparently, is our hero.

That is the fundamental issue with Roofman. The movie seems fascinated by Jeffrey’s charm, his cleverness, and his odd little acts of kindness, but it never really grapples with the fact that he is an absolute scumbag of a human being. This is a man who repeatedly ruins not only his own life, but the lives of everyone around him, all while the movie keeps nudging you like, “Come on, isn’t he kind of lovable?”

No. He’s not.

He’s frustrating. Deeply frustrating. Because every single time he does anything, you already know it’s going to be the wrong choice. There’s no suspense in that. There’s just dread. You watch him move through the story like a man determined to sabotage every possible off-ramp to a better life.

So no, I do not recommend Roofman one bit. I found it incredibly frustrating from start to finish.

Now, if you want a really good thief movie, go watch Inside Man instead. You’ve got Denzel Washington trying to get everyone out safely while Clive Owen and his crew pull off a robbery that is packed with twists. Inside Man is a 10 out of 10 while Roofman is the movie that keeps asking you to admire a guy who never stops making the worst possible decision.

World War Joe

Smile Review : Where Hope Dies

Smile had the potential to be genuinely great, but in the end, it took the safe route and became just another forgettable horror movie.

Cody Invasion

Imagine this. WrestleMania. Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar in a title vs title match. The ref is knocked out. The Usos charge the ring. Brock takes them both out with double clothesline. He starts beating them down. Heyman comes in with a chair and hits Lesnar across the back. Lesnar grabs Heyman by the throat and yells in his face. Reigns gets up and goes for the Spear, but his Heyman instead. Lesnar hits Reigns with the F5. 1. 2. 3. Lesnar celebrates, holds up both belts and makes his way up the ramp. He takes one last look at a defeated Reigns who finally made it to his feet. Then it happens. Cody Rhodes jumps the barrier, slides in the ring and hits Reigns with the Cross Rhodes. Then he takes a look at Lesnar and we cut to black.

How good would that be?

Simptastic Joe

Control Your Narrative Promotion?

When I first heard of the Control Your Narrative movement, I thought this was just a wrestling faction, but I later learned this is going to be a new failing company in the world of wrestling. The company’s 3 main stars are EC3, Killer Kross (Karrion Kross) and Adam Scherr (Braun Strowman). In their mission statement, the men explained what the company is. They first took shots are shareholders and billionaire owners.  Saying that owners collect wrestlers like “toys”. Clearly these men have never ran a company before. The “toys” they are talking about are employees, not friends and not members of a bigger picture. If a wrestler or “toy” is not putting in the work, not loved by the fans and making for lower ratings, then a change will be made. That’s running a business.

The letter than goes on to name drop popular wrestlers that have joined the company. Names like Moose, Matt Sydal, Matt Cardona and some no names. Now, are you telling me that Moose, a superstar in Impact Wrestling who is probably being paid very well, is planning on leaving Impact to join this company?

Who’s paying for this? You don’t have a billionaire owner like Tony Khan or Vince McMahon, you don’t have or want shareholders, so where is the money coming from? The top 3 wrestlers starting this company I imagine have some savings, so they can go a little while without getting a regular paycheck, but the others can’t. Matt Sydal was never a “run the company” wrestler. He has been bouncing around from company to company since he left the WWE. And more importantly, why would he want to leave AEW in any capacity?

I don’t know what to think about this company after reading this letter. I’m very confused with a lot of wrestling companies these days. The WWE looks like the only real wrestling company and the others are just all working together in some way.

Jon Moxley still does shows in Japan and backyard wrestling promotions, but still works for AEW. This move I find incredibly stupid because why would AEW be ok with letting one of their most popular wrestlers go to other places? More importantly, Mox went to some unknown company for his first match after rehab, kinda dulling the moment of his return. Why would Impact Wrestling be ok with Moose playing in this other company. If he gets hurt that’s a MAJOR blow to your company.

The whole promotion just seems like a great faction idea, one that would thrive on grabbing wrestlers who are lost or on losing streaks to be more, but as a company they are failing before they even got started. My prediction gets stronger when I read their website. Apparently, if I’m reading this wrong, fights (not matches) are decided by Tap Out, Knock Out or Can’t Stand……so not wrestling. Is this a better version of Raw Underground?

Another section of the website says “FTN blends professional wrestling, cinema, and harsh reality”. The cinema part throws me off. Because they are going to have live crowds. Are these planned out fist fights? I HATED the cinematic matches during the Pandemic Era for the WWE. I thought nothing had to change with the style, just put on great matches and you captures your audience interest.

If I was running this show, the first thing I would do is write up a REAL mission statement of their promotion, take it to Rumble and do shows exclusively on there. Rumble was ready to give Joe Rogan $200 million dollars to be exclusively there. I wonder how much they would pay for the exclusive rights to a wrestling promotion? I wouldn’t do shows on the road. Like NXT, I would do shows exclusively in one location. Buy a simple warehouse or property you can make into an arena and that solves where it would be. I would put the arena somewhere in the South or mid-West because it’s cheaper to buy property there. Maybe one day take the show on the road, but when you’re stating a new company saving money is key.

The next step does against everything they believe in, getting shareholders. They NEED some big money bankrolling this operation. Let’s say if the Rumble deal happens, they give, let’s say 10 million dollars, you still have a lot of things to buy. The biggest would be the location. I saw just use one because you don’t have to worry about costs of travel and you can control the environment more than using someone else’s building.  

Getting wrestlers shouldn’t be that difficult. Yes, I crapped on Sydal before, but he’s a good wrestler. Not someone who can lead the company, but a suitable wrestler. Moose would be way out of their pay range, but Cardona might be a great addition. The 3 creators would be taking a pay cut for the first few months so that’ll save some money. There are a ton of unknown wrestlers and released wrestlers looking for a shot to be on tv again. If anything, this new promotion might be a way to help them. But that would be a WRESTLING promotion and not a….whatever this is.

I don’t think the Control Your Narrative promotion will be a success. The idea is enough to get some early viewers, but this doesn’t seem realistic and will fail pretty soon.

World War Joe

Jay White Vs The Best Friends

After Jay White beat Trent in his AEW debut, I saw something that really annoyed me. The camera panned over to Orange Cassidy before the show cut to black……is AEW seriously going to give us Jay White vs Orange Cassidy? Are they really going to push a fight between White, who I say is top 5 in the world, against one of the least imposing threats in AEW? Not only that, I can see White fighting the entire Best Friends group, probably ending in a multi man tag match.

I figure this might be a good idea for a feud in theory, White is very popular overseas, but if you don’t watch him on YouTube then you probably never heard of him. My problem is that this feud is a waste of time, especially for White. I would have White attack Cassidy before he enters the Face of the Revolution Ladder match this weekend. Attack him backstage, knock him out of the match and get White in that match against the best the company has to offer.

You can have Cassidy interfere and cost White’s chances of winning the match, setting up their feud. But having Cassidy in that match is such a waste. Cassidy isn’t equipped to be the face of the company ever, but White is. Maybe White running through all the Best Friends might buy him time until some of the other feuds are finished and he can get inserted into the main title picture or against a higher profile talent like Hangman Page.

Simptastic Joe

Why I Love Hook

Update On AEW Training Progress Of Hook - WrestleTalk

I know its doesn’t make any sense. And I know how stupid it is to say it. And I know there’s no reason why I feel this way, but I love Hook. He hasn’t done anything in AEW except a few cheap shots to unsuspecting opponents. But I believe there is a plan for Hook. Team Taz is starting to look VERY interesting with the addition of Dante Martin, but I still hate that they got rid of Brian Cage. Martin is going to be a major player on Team Taz and now is the perfect time to unleash Hook on the roster.

Hooks time in AEW reminds me of Pacman Jones in TNA Wrestling. Jones wasn’t allowed to touch any of the wrestlers, but somehow had matches where he won by distracting wrestlers by throwing money at them or from outside assistance. Hook is being billed just like that, but will soon be in the fold. I would copy his father, Taz’s, move set. Just go all in on suplexes, submissions and power moves.

ftw on Twitter: "My favorite moments of the Street Fight. @MrGMSI_BCage  @starkmanjones @TrueWillieHobbs @730hook #AEWRevolution  https://t.co/ZnFcDIevOh" / Twitter

I think the first feud I would have for Hook would be against Orange Cassidy. Cassidy can make anyone look good with his sloth style and since Cassidy is a fan favorite, you’ll have a great crowd for that match.

But what do you guys think of Hook and what feuds would you like to see him in?

Simptastic Joe

Omos The Next Giant?

The Undertake said “There will never be another Andre (The Giant), but this guy is as close as we’ve come, and that’s a big statement…Omos is special” has the Undertake ever heard of Braun Strowman? I could argue that Strowman is the best big man since The Big Show, who when the Big Show was starting out he was compared to Andrea The Giant.

Omos is ok to me. I think him teaming with AJ Styles has resulted in Styles looking weaker as of late. The pairing seems more like a comedy gimmick rather than a team that will dominate. If they want to put Omos in that top tier of wrestlers than maybe a feud with Styles would be best. Have them win the tag titles, lose them as a result of Styles. Maybe a miscommunication where he hits Omos and then simply have him turn on Styles. Not the most original idea, but it would be effective.

Then have them fight at WrestleMania, make Omos the winner and keep his momentum going from there. I do agree with the Undertaker where if there was someone to eventually be in that Andrea Class then it can be Omos, but you have to book him as the face of the company. Maybe a feud with Roman Reigns would be interesting to see.

But what do you guys think of Omos so far and what would be the best way to make him a superstar?

Simptastic Joe

How to Fix teela

Masters of the Universe: Revelation' Review - Wonderfully Earnest Fun

There’s no surprise that the extremely woke direction of the Netflix show Masters of the Universe Revelations didn’t sit too kindly with the fans. The show was constantly pandering to the strong, diverse and sexually explorative female leads and pushed aside and literally killed off any male leads that could steal the spotlight.

Now we are left with a tainted show and a Kevin Smith fighting to keep his spot in Hollywood alive. It’s foolish to say that this one terrible show will be the death of Smith, but it does create a snowball effect that’ll probably stay with him for most of his remaining career. Obviously, his Clerks 3 won’t be competing with Avatar and Endgame for top grossing movies of all time, but I think it will fail by even the most liberal of expectations.

Netflix's Masters of the Universe: Revelation review: a new future - The  Verge

But instead of crapping on this show more, here’s what I would’ve done to make everyone happy. If the goal of the show in the end was to make Teela the main character of the show, to make her someone the fans would love to see a spinoff of, then it takes a slow burn.

I remember the first time I saw Ahsoka Tano in The Clone Wars movie. Ahsoka was annoying to watch and there really wasn’t anything redeeming about her character. Then Star Wars created The Clone Wars tv show and that featured Ahsoka a lot. She had incredible character development. We got to see her come into her own as a Jedi, lead armies into battle, make mistakes and at the end of the series became a fan favorite.

Geek Review - Masters of the Universe: Revelation (Netflix) | Geek Culture

That’s what Smith should’ve done with Teela. The first season of the show should’ve been focused on He-Man, obviously, and Teela as a strong supporting character. Through the season, we get to see her fight alongside He-Man, get to develop her character naturally through events of the show. Maybe even have her on her own quests of some episodes to give her more depth to her character. And if the plan was to kill off He-Man, you can have Teela as the successor after giving her a lot of time to develop and grow.

Most importantly, you have to make her fail. Writers today are making female leads the perfect characters and devoid of any flaws. They are tougher and smarter than the male characters who are drastically nerfed to make the females even better. But, you have to fail. We don’t want Mary Sue characters, who are perfect in every way and devoid of any flaws.

Kevin Smith Raises the Stakes in Masters of the Universe: Revelation <<  Rotten Tomatoes – Movie and TV News

Rocky lost, Luke Skywalker lost, Batman lost, Spider-Man lost, all the Avengers lost battles, and if you want Teela to be a fan favorite then she has to lose sometimes and most importantly come back stronger and wiser from it. Smith would forgo all these ideas and tried to push Teela down our throats and backfired massively.

So how screwed are they and most importantly, what do you think of how I would’ve written the show?

Simptastic Joe

Terminator: How Do The Machines Lose?

I’ve been binging the Terminator movies randomly and a weird question popped in my mind at 3 in the morning. How do the machines lose? I know the original movie, and I mean original original movie, was about how Skynet’s plan is to send a terminator back in time to kill resistance leader John Connor’s mother, thus killing the future savior of humanity.

Then the second movie comes around and Skynet sends another terminator back in time to kill John Connor. And then the third one comes around to Skynet sending back another terminator to kill Connor and his lieutenants. Needless to say the plot of the Terminator franchise repeat themselves alittle.

Now back to the question. How do the machines lose in the future? In the first Terminator, the machines sent back a T-800 model played by the hulking Arnold Schwarzenegger. In that movie, the T-800 was unstoppable. It killed an entire police department with no trouble. It got hit by cars, shot, blew up and kept coming. Ultimately being crushed under a hydraulic press, but before that it did a ton of damage.

 The movie even showed what Earth looked like during the war with the machines. We aren’t doing very well in that fight. What’s left of humanity is hiding underground and barely able to fend off the massive robot army.

In the sequel, we have another T-800 return as a good guy and we are introduced to the T-1000, a robot comprised of liquid metal who can shapeshift, form his arms into swords and other weapons and take endless amounts of damge. Again, we get a glimpse into the future of hundreds of T-800s walking across the destroyed cities of the world. The T-800, even though he’s a good guy, goes through an entire SWAT team, taking bullets to the face and keeps coming. And the T-1000 finally met its end after being outsmarted, but for most of the movie he was winning.

In the third movie we are introduced to the T-X which is comprised of a metal skeleton and has the liquid metal on top. This lets it use the same spike arms and also be able to shoot out laser beams and use other gadgets.

So the point I’m making, is how does a robot army lose the battle. This isn’t like Mel Gibson rallying the famers against the British. This is clearly a no-win situation. As we’ve seen in the previous films, we are losing this battle.

In Terminator Salvation we actually get a movie centered around the battle for the humanity against the machines. And in that one we are shown massive Terminators the size of buildings, motorcycle robots and massive air crafts that take hostages.

The Terminators get deadlier with each film and even though Dark Fate was terrible, I thought the concept of a Terminator who can separate from its liquid metal to make 2 Terminators was a cool addition.

And with the last 2 movies in the franchise were reboots, I don’t think the creators actually have a realistic way the humans win. Even copying the Terminators concept of going back in time to stop Skynet and Legion before it ever gets started is a concept that would get old fast.

Its sad to see a franchise that started off so strong go downhill in just a few short movies. Unless they throw some serious money into the script or have a solid, multi movie plan, then this series will never return back to its glory days.

Let me know what you guys think about the Terminator franchise moving forward and what changes need to be made.

Simptastic Joe